home

i don't remember feeling homesick my freshman year of college. or at any other time in my life, in fact. i guess i've never been in a new place and been the only new one. i've only been away from home for two weeks and i'm ready to be done. of course, i don't even know what counts as home - there's not anything left in Ithaca for me to go home to, and I know there's nothing for me to do in Melrose. I guess home is just wherever I'm loved, and here definitely isn't home.
i guess there's not much i can do about that.


i'm thinking of moving. i started looking for an apartment in Evanston today, for a variety of reasons. It would be closer to work, the community there is a better fit for my personality and background, and odds are I wouldn't see so many people get arrested within a block of my building. And if I work it right, i might even be able to live with people who are a little more available as friends.
i know this isn't the most reasonable course of action, but it feels right - i have to at least look and see if there might be something better. not that this is bad - my apartment is beautiful, i live a block from the beach, my roommate is sane, employed, and kind, and i have easy access to public transit and shopping. but i can get most of these things in any number of living situations, and after two weeks i still feel like a guest in this apartment. i don't feel at home enough to start hanging anything up on the walls - my roll of posters is sitting in the closet, and the one thing i bothered to frame is leaning against the wall in a corner. i never feel inspired enough to go out except to walk the beach and watch happy families with their little kids and dogs.
anyway. we'll see what happens. it will all work out in the end, regardless of what happens.